On Being In Love

Hello loyal Her/Story readers!  It’s been a long time, I know, but life has been crazy the past few months with new job, new city, and new adult life.  But I’m back, and today, I want to talk about love.  Yes, I’ve posted about it before, several times in fact, in several of its many forms.  I’ve talked about how we should love each other as Jesus did, what real love feels like (glorious, painful, terrifying, and exciting), and that there are all types of love.  Let’s face it, love is a favorite subject of mine.  I’ve always been fascinated by the concept.  I read about it, write about it, talk about it, and try to understand it.  I’ve written all my past posts, specifically in regards to romantic love, mostly from an observatory standpoint because I’ve never been in love.  At least…I don’t think I have.  Recently, the question of whether or not I’ve ever been in love has been on my mind a lot.  Before we get to into that, however, a little bit of background first.  In an attempt to branch out and break out of my comfort zone as a part of my new adult life, I’ve started the online dating thing.  It took a lot of convincing from friends and family, but I finally got myself a profile and have started to intentionally look for someone to fall in love with.  I’ve never done this kind of thing before (intentionally seek out a relationship), and it’s made me really wonder what it’s like to fall in love.  It’s also made me really wonder if maybe I’ve already been in love, but didn’t recognize what I was feeling.  I never thought so before, but now I’m not so sure.  I’ve never been in a relationship before, but that doesn’t mean I’ve never had feelings for anyone.  Could some of those feeling have ever been love?  How do you know if you’re in love?  Can you fall in love with someone you’re not in a relationship with?  How do you know if you’re falling in love with someone you are in a relationship with?  These, and different variations of these questions have been racing through my head for the past few weeks.  So, ever the inquiring mind, I took to the streets to try and find some answers.  And by streets, I mean mostly Facebook and some texting.  I asked several people who I knew to be in love, or to have ever been in love before, how it was they knew what they were feeling.  The answers I received were thoughtful and honest, and there were a few similarities among almost all of them that I was able to pick out.  Put together, I think they offer very helpful insight into how people fall in love, and how you can tell if you might be on your way to jumping off the deep end yourself.

Among many of the people I spoke with, a common occurrence I found was that people had said the words “I love you” in previous relationships without really understanding what that meant.  A few maintained that they did feel some form of love in those situations, but it wasn't necessarily the type of love that you can build a life on.  It wasn't until they had actually fallen in love that they realized the times they had thought themselves in love before were really more diluted experiences of the emotion.  They loved, but weren't necessarily in love.  Love is a spectrum, and it takes many forms.  Oftentimes, we do not realize exactly where on the spectrum we fall, and this is especially true when we are young and not that experienced in love.  To those I talked to, many found that as they matured and were able to better understand who they were as an individual, it became much easier for them to understand when they were truly and deeply in love with someone, and what it was they needed from a steady and committed relationship.

 

A lot of people said that falling really in love was a slow build for them, and they didn't actually realize it was happening until it had already happened.  Some observed that when they finally said the words "I love you," it felt almost naturally because they'd had those feelings for so long, but hadn't fully understood what they'd meant.  Some resisted, some recognized what was happening, and some were surprised when they finally realized just how long they'd been falling in love.  Those who resisted did so mostly out of fear of being hurt, especially if they'd suffered similar pain in the past.  Yet in the end, though it may have taken them a little longer than most, when they finally admitted to being in love, it freed them to be even more open and genuine with their significant other.  Several people also answered me by saying that they realized they were in love because they missed the other person in a way they'd never missed anyone before, to the point of aching.  Some would come away from Skyping or talking on the phone with their significant other with huge smiles that they couldn't fight. 

One person's story in particular stood out to me, because she was reflecting on a love that she wasn't sure was actually returned (at least at the time).  She told me she’d had feelings for someone for a long time, but never realized that what she was feeling was love.  In fact, she adamantly denied that what she was in love, even when other people would point it out to her.  When she finally acknowledged what the emotion actually was, she described it as a full body reaction that she’d never had towards anyone else.  Just thinking of him would make her chest ache, her heart pound, and her legs go a little numb.  He was the only person she'd ever thought of having a future with, and also the only guy who'd ever held her attention for very long.  While she wasn't really sure she was all the way in love with him, she eventually realized that she was definitely on that path.  

Finally, the majority of the people I talked to reported back the same thing: they could be their genuine selves with the other person.  They didn't have to hide any part of who they were, or try to adjust themselves to fit the other person's ideals.  In a few instances, people realized they were in love with their significant other because they were put in a vulnerable situation, but it didn't bother or frighten them that that one person was present to witness it.  As one individual put it, "love is finding somebody who not only accepts, but who also understands the weird in you...Love is mutual weirdness."

So, put together, what can all this tell us about falling in love, and knowing when we are really in love?  It tells us that people recognize the feeling at different points in their relationship, for different reasons.  It doesn't always strike like a lightning bolt out of nowhere.  A lot of the time, it's a natural build up over time.  Being in love, like really, really in love, can be complicated, confusing, and scary.  It can be unlike anything you've ever experienced before, and it can be ever-changing, evolving as you grow and mature as an individual and as a couple.  There might not be one right way to fall in love and be in love, but it seems to really be one of those experiences that you know its happening when it finally happens.

Until next time,
Erin B.    

Mostly because the whole series is on Netflix and I'm binge-watching it, one of the best, most love-filled moments from Friends :)

The Pain of Love...And Why We Want It So Much

Feel free to listen to this before, during, or after you read this post.  It's just a good old-fashioned love song :)

 

I struggled to think of something to write for this week’s post.  Seriously, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t come up with something that would make a significant piece that would be worth writing...let alone reading.  But then, as I lay on my couch watching 27 Dresses it struck me…I could write about love.  I’ve written about love before, but that was more about loving everyone in a way that would keep us from being assholes to each other.  This time, I want to write about the one-on-one love (mostly romantic, though I am not discounting friendships and familial love by any means) that both fascinates and terrifies us…that drives us towards committing ourselves (whether for the rest of our lives, or for just the present moment) to another person.  I am writing this as someone who has never actually been in love, but has observed it enough to have some sort of understanding of how it works…I think. 

Love has actually been on my mind for a while now.  I have quite a few friends who are getting married, engaged, in serious relationships, or have reached a point in their lives where they are ready to intentionally search for a love in a way they hadn’t been before.  I’ve also been watching a lot of romantic comedies lately (I am currently unemployed and have a lot of time on my hands).  Now, I know that Hollywood’s depiction of love and romance is not always right…and not always healthy…but I think there is some truth in what is portrayed, at least as far as reflecting society’s obsession with love and finding love.  We sing about love, we write about love, we read about love, and we flock to see love portrayed on the big screen in various scenarios.  Love makes us laugh, cry, hurt, and feel more joy than we probably ever thought possible. 

Love can be impossible.

 

Sometimes, we scoff at love because we don’t want to seem squishy and sappy (as I write this, I find myself wincing at some of the sappiness that is leaking through…but we plunge ahead!).  We harden ourselves to it because our world is sometimes so cynical, there seems to be no room in it for love or the desire and hope for love.  We can have the wrong ideas and expectations of love, thinking that it’s supposed to be this force that makes us happy all the time, every day.  The reality, though, is that real love is oftentimes one of the most painful things we can ever experience.  Love is terrifying.  It makes us vulnerable and opens us up to a special kind of hurt that only that person who we give our love to is capable of inflicting on us.  We face heartbreak, hopelessness…and outright rejection.  Love can make you want to curl up into a little ball and never face the world again.  It can make you want to lock away your heart and never give it away, so that you never have to feel that kind of pain.

 

Complicated: Check.  Scary: Check.  Doesn't Always Go the Way You Hope: Double Check

 

For all the pain love can make us suffer, however, we still obsess over it.  As mentioned before, I just finished watching 27 Dresses before sitting down to write this post.  I love that movie for several reasons, but one reason is because it shows that sometimes you find love where you weren’t looking for it.  Love can be complicated, and I always appreciate movies that portray this.  I also watched Love Actually for the first time, and, well, I loved it (teehee).  I liked that it showed different kinds of love…and that not every couple ended up living happily ever after.  It’s closer to real life.  While I do love the stories where the couples overcome every obstacle to be together (I’m a hopeless romantic at heart), I recognize that that is not always the case.  Love can be gritty…and sometimes it can be hopeless.  Another movie I watched that reflects this is My Best Friend’s Wedding.  Sometimes, no matter how hard you try or how much you wish it, your love is not always returned and it does not always win.  It’s sometimes a harsh reality, but it doesn’t mean you give up on love.  You just can’t let the heartbreak stop the rest of your life from continuing on. 

 

Love isn't always where you think it will be.

 

Ultimately, though, love and being able to love is worth fighting for.  I don’t think any group of people demonstrates this better than the LGBTQ community.  I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to walk in the Boston Pride parade not that long ago, not as a member of the community myself, but as an ally who believes no one should have the authority to tell someone who they can love and what kind of person they’re “supposed” to be.  I think it is an amazing testament to the importance of love that people are willing to fight so hard for their love to be acknowledged as equally important and as worthwhile as others’.  I think we could all learn something from the LGBTQ community about the importance and commitment of love…because I think the rest of us too often take advantage of love and too easily throw it away.

Despite all of the pain and fear that love can throw into our lives, however, it is a truly beautiful thing.  To truly find love is to not settle for the shallow, feel-good love that ends when the honeymoon phase is over, but to strive for the kind of love that causes us nearly as much pain as joy, that gives us the courage to fight to keep it, to throw all of our cards in on the person we think we can make a real life with.  If you are lucky enough to find this kind of love, the love that meets the test of time, the kind of love where you lay everything you are out in the open for the other person to see, the kind of love you are willing to fight and work for…then you are the reason the rest of us keep hoping, keeping searching, and keep risking the pain on the off chance that we’ll also find that joy.  Love is never neat and clean, and it shouldn’t be.  That much emotion, that much dedication, should be something that challenges us every day and makes us grow as individuals and as couples.  I am not in love, and don’t think I can honestly say I have ever been in love…but it is something I hope for, and will continue to hope for.  Not everyone feels the same as I do, and that’s okay.  Love can come in all shapes and sizes, and people might not always want to find romantic love.  But I think it is one of our greatest capabilities as human beings, and despite what real life often shows me, I will always be secretly sappy and I will always cheer for, and hope for, love.              

A little treat for all those hopeless romantics out there (like me)...and because I watched this movie this week as well :)

 

With love,

Erin B.



 

Running: A Love/Story

This piece is going to take two, count them two, disclaimers.

Disclaimer 1: This story was written prior to, but edited after, the Boston Marathon explosions. The timing was a coincidence, but I decided to publish the story anyway, hoping that it doesn't communicate any sort of insensitivity, but rather the incredible sense of community people can develop by doing the same thing at the same time. My thoughts and prayers are with those affected by yesterday's events.

Disclaimer 2: Unlike most pieces written on Her/Story, this one lacks a thesis statement, a conclusion, and maybe even an argument. I've taken the name of our blog seriously and told a story, modeled off of a couple of storytelling venues that I adore: The Moth and Modern Love. Check them out!

I was 19 and a month into training for my first marathon when my grandfather, one of the best men I have ever known, died suddenly. I spent the next several months running in the midst of my confusion, trying to process my devastation, attempting to grasp what to me felt like true injustice. When my training ended, I completed the marathon, patted myself on the back, mentally checked "Marathon" off my bucket list, and stopped running.

Marathon Finish, Des Moines, IA 2008

Four years later, I would move back to Iowa to take care of my grandmother who had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

There's this saying in life that you should live like you could die tomorrow. It took Grandma and I an entire month to get over the grief and realize that Grandma needed to stop thinking she was going to slip off any moment. She needed to die like she was going to live tomorrow. And me? I needed to get out of the house more.

So Grandma and I started talking walks and I started training for another marathon.

It's been eight months and Grandma has officially outlived the time she was given by her doctor. And me? I'm still living in her house and I'm still running. I stay with her Sunday night through Friday afternoon, and other family members take care of her on the weekends. This means I get to spend my weekends visiting friends all over the Midwest.

Last weekend, I went to Kansas City to watch several friends run a half marathon. I was standing at mile 9, cheering like crazy for these random people that I didn't know, waiting for my friends to run by when I was absolutely struck by how amazing this whole thing was. Here was person after person running by me who had dedicated part of their life to doing exactly what I was dedicating part of my life to doing: running. Running a long freaking way.

Half Marathon Starting Line, Kansas City, MO 2013

There was a woman on the other side of the street cheering for the runners with her two kids, and I knew immediately she was a runner. There's this thing about runners that's just like with lesbians, they don't have to be running down the street or holding their girlfriends' hands (respectively), if you're one of them you tend to know who the other ones are.

So this lady and I are cheering loudly, and at some point the slower set of runners run by us and I'm watching them, yelling my guts out, and these people start looking at me, right in the eye, and saying "thank you." Thanking me. In the middle of their 13 mile runs. And I flash back to my 16 mile run the day before when I could have really used someone at mile 9 yelling for me, and I start yelling my guts out for these strangers, yelling because I get it, because I've literally been in their shoes, literally felt their blisters, literally wanted to quit just like they're looking like they want to quit right this very moment. And that's when the tears start flowing down my face, quite unexpectedly, and I'm surprised because, although I'm both a runner and a crier, they don't normally fit into the same section of my life.

But here's the truth about people like me who take at least 10 minutes to run a mile: we don't run long distance to beat the person running next to us. We don't run long distance for exercise either, because if we wanted to get that we'd just run 5ks. No, no, for people like us there's something much deeper at stake. There's something about identity, something about seeking ourselves going on. Maybe we're running from something, maybe we're running to something, or maybe we have something to prove. But the truth is you can't spend hour after hour hitting the pavement without having to confront yourself even if only just about, at bare minimum, how freaking tired your legs are. Maybe for these reasons, I have dated people who are runners almost exclusively over the years.

My very own cheering squad, Des Moines, IA 2008

I spend an hour cheering at mile 9 and then I move on. I head to the finish and I stand right next to the mile 13 marker, a tenth of a mile from the finish line. And I notice immediately that no one next to me is cheering. They're standing, watching quietly. And I make a quick decision to give the runners every bit of energy I can muster. Suddenly I'm screaming; I'm clapping so hard I have to take breaks because my arms get so tired. I'm saying things like "You're almost there." "The end is in sight!" "Power through!" But what I really want to be saying to these people is "Look! Do you see it? You accomplished your goal! You did the thing you wanted to do, the thing you spent hours training for, and even though you feel like total shit right now, you have conquered this run."

But the words won't come out of my mouth. They get stuck in my throat because by now I'm crying, full on crying, because I feel so proud of these perfect strangers. So I keep yelling the one-liners, praying they understand that I am mentally with them, one hundred and ten percent. And these people are looking up from the pavement at me, and I swear they are seeing my whole self. I swear they're seeing things in me I didn't even know existed. And a couple of them, even at the very end of this whole freaking race, tell me thank you as they run, sometimes stumbling, by.

My last friend finishes the race and still I can't pull myself away. These people have come too far, I keep telling myself, not to get cheered for in their last tenth of a mile. So I stand there, clapping, yelling, and crying, until I am totally exhausted (which is funny because I'm not even running). And finally I slowly walk away to meet my friends, the only three people at this race that I actually know. Leaving the race seems so strange though, because in this moment I'm feeling like I'm walking away from a crowd full of friends I've known my whole entire life.

Love Always,
Kelsey

Christianity and Romance - A Pre-V-Day Read

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Whether you’re planning a romantic evening with your significant other or intend to protest the Hallmarked-out holiday I think we should talk about romance.  Particularly from a Christian point of view. I find it a bit strange that, in a culture of cliché love songs, romantic comedies, and a multi-million dollar wedding industry, when it comes to the Church we have lost all understanding of romantic love for others.  Sure, Christianity, and Jesus’ ministry in particular, is centered on love—we are to love the poor, the less fortunate, and our enemies. We are to love and honor our parents and we are to remain in community with the entire Church. And yet, when it comes to marriage, sexuality, and sexual relations, there is very little mention of romantic love or the importance of having a true emotional and mutual connection with another. Spending a lot of time with Christians and seminarians (many married/in committed relationships) I don’t hear a lot of conversation surrounding romantic love. We do talk about love – we converse about the Greek word Agape – a true and unconditional love for and by God. But, where the hell is Eros? Eros, another Greek word, most closely identified as a passionate, sensual, and intimate love is not present in the Bible and rarely comes up in a Christian context. 

Now, to be fair, I’m not a romantic person. I’m quite cynical actually, but I’m still concerned that a lack of romantic love within the Christian tradition is problematic. Romantic love is about intimacy and becoming close to another, not just emotionally but physically as well. Romantic love is the attraction one has for another, it is an excitement and an enthusiasm, and it is a desire and longing to understand another in a physical, spiritual, and emotional manner. This romantic love, of infatuation and complete vulnerability to another, is often passed by when the Church and theologians talk about marriage or sexual relationships.  

As Christians we are seeking out a relationship with Christ and want to truly know him. However, how can we go about coming to know Christ in an intimate way, if we cannot even come to know another man or woman in an intimate way? Romantic love, in all of its dreamy idealism and enthusiasm, illustrates intimacy in a positive and outward way. Romantic love brings desire to the forefront, a feeling which at its very nature is religious, not sexual. Desire is a longing for closeness and intimacy, a yearning, a wanting of more also desire to know God better, both in God’s humanity and divinity. Integrating romantic love into the Church and allowing for emotion and vulnerability to take over a part of our lives makes us more readily available to Jesus Christ. 

I want romance, people. Hot, steamy, passion-filled, erotic romance. And, I think romantic love is possible to incorporate in the Church and will only help us lead more faithful Christian lives.

This isn’t all that new. Let’s look at the genre of erotic and courtly love literature of early Christian mystics. My girl Mechthild of Magdeburg was a rock star at incorporating this language of eroticism and romantic passion. Here’s just a brief excerpt: 

                                I cannot dance Lord, unless you lead me.

                                If you want me to leap with abandon,

                                You must intone the song.

                                Then I shall leap into love,

                                From love into knowledge,

                                From knowledge into enjoyment,

                                And from enjoyment beyond all human sensations.

                                There I want to remain, yet also want to circle higher still.

                                (Flowing Light of the Godhead)

In closing an eye to the use of the word ‘Lord’ as a title within the reading, the verse could easily be talking about a human lover, who has filled her with a sense of love and a desire for more. Just as we desire to be closer to God and come to know God more fully, we long to be one with our romantic partners. Ideally, a romantic relationship with another culminates when you reveal your deepest secrets, thoughts, and desires to your partner. Mechthild has bared her soul; her love with Christ is evolving, and although she remains in a state of perfection and harmony, she still seeks more. In that same way, if directed toward a romantic partner, human beings are seeking to share their journey with someone and to bare their whole self to another. Mechthild illustrates the same kind of love that many contemporary sources are illustrating in the modern entertainment industry (an entertainment industry that seems to thrive off of romantic love). For example, let’s take a look at my other girl T-Swift for a sec:

                                ‘Cause I don't know how it gets better than this.

                                You take my hand and drag me head first, Fearless.

                                And I don't know why, but with you I'd dance in a storm

                                In my best dress, Fearless.

                                (Fearless, Taylor Swift)

In the same fashion that Mechthild talks about submitting to God (I cannot dance Lord, unless you lead me), Swift sings of submitting to a romantic lover (You take my hand and drag me head first…). Both verses imply a sense of chasing after, of gratitude for, and of being in union with another, for the good of both parties. Both songs also bring about a sense of fulfillment and absolutely gratification. As Mechthild says, “and from the enjoyment beyond all human sensations, there I want to remain,” she really means “cause I don’t know how it gets better than this,” both in reference to a loving, intimate, and romantic relationship that has provided the writer with a sense of complete emotional gratification. 

Just as Swift’s music is an expression of romantic love in her life which allows listeners to imagine, formulate, and desire an all-encompassing love like she describes in her song, a mystic’s use of erotic language does the same—pushes readers beyond their own limitations toward a relationship with God.  

Romantic love exists, and its existence allows for individuals to go farther than traditional concepts of love and enter into new, more intimate engagements with others.It is not the intention of romantic or sexual love to replace the religious love we feel for God, but it is to include romantic love as a way to better understand Jesus, ourselves, and our relationships with others. The fact that this romantic and passionate love has existed within the tradition of mysticism, and exists today within our romance-obsessed, Valentine’s Day driven, and candlelit dinner inspired fantasies, is an indication of the necessity of romantic love in our relationship with God and with others. 

Romantic love encompasses both the emotional and the physical sides of desire, passion, and attraction. Romantically loving someone  means caring for them, trusting them, wanting the best for them, and seeking to join with them in thought and in action. This love flourishes when one allows oneself to become as vulnerable as possible with another—in others words completely revealing one’s heart and soul and feelings to another human being. 

Love is everywhere. Listen to the radio, turn on the television, flip through the Bible. Love is present in the world. The problem is not that love does not exist or that love is not practiced, but that romantic love is not held to as high of a standard as other types of love within the Christian tradition. Inserting romantic and passionate love into the Church’s teachings ables human beings to harness the often unpredictable and idealistic romantic love found throughout the media and in fairytales, in a healthy way. Understanding romantic love as a much deeper and meaningful expression enhances our relationships with the Divine. 

So, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Whether you’re single or taken, take a minute or two to understand romance in your life and how romance might complement your faith rather than be distinct from it. 

Also, write some erotic love poetry. Because, it’s good for you.  

The Day After the Elections: Let's Talk About Love

It’s the day after the elections, and my Facebook and Twitter have been bombarded by statuses and Tweets exclaiming either exhilaration or bone-deep disappointment.  Sitting in class this morning, I listened as people either aired their angsts or sat in glee of their perceived victory.  While a part of me is relieved that the whole mess of an election is over for now, mostly all I feel is frustration so intense it almost brings me to tears.  I feel this way not because my candidate won or lost, or because my ideals were upheld or dismissed.  No, I feel this way because all of those Tweets, statuses, and conversations are showing me exactly what our country is still missing.  In the wake of some of the most vicious, bloodthirsty campaigns I have ever seen, I think we as a people need to take a good long look at ourselves and really see what it is we have become, and what we need to do to change it.  You’ve heard it before, and I’m saying it again.  Our society is broken, and it’s going to take a lot more than politics to fix it.

Remember him?  Nice guy.

To that end, I want to talk about love.  I don’t mean “Romeo and Juliet” love, or I’m-on-fire-for-you love.  I want to talk about good old-fashioned, all-inclusive, unconditional, world-changing, fire-in-my-heart, Jesus-kind-of-love.  Yeah, I’m going to talk about Jesus.  If you’re reading this and thinking “Oh great, a Bible-thumper” or “No! Not Jesus” let me just stop your train of thought right there.  First off, you obviously need to read most posts in this blog.  Secondly, even if you don’t believe that Jesus is God Incarnate and the Savior of the World, I think we can all agree he was a pretty decent guy with a really good message.  And since so many people during this election process have been throwing around Christian “ideals”, I think it would be a good idea to look at the man himself.  What Jesus says about Love in the Gospels is a message I think our country really needs right now, whether or not you won last night.                                                

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. (NASB John 13:34)

            What kind of love are we talking about, exactly?  It’s not an easy kind of love, but it is an all-consuming one.  It’s the kind of love that keeps you from judging someone based on what they look like, or where they stand in society.  It might not lead you to the most popular choice, but it is the kind of love that makes you listen to someone and get to know them before you come to a conclusion about their character.  This is the kind of love that keeps you from turning your back on someone in need.  The kind of love that causes your heart to ache when you hear of a grave injustice in the world, and then that ache drives you to do something about it.  It’s the kind of love that doesn’t shut out people who have been deemed “undesirable”, but rather seeks those people out because you recognize their importance.  This is the kind of love that demands you respect someone not because of what political party or ideology they hold on to, or if you agree with them about certain issues, but because they are human and you are human. 

Jesus healed the lame and the sick, gave sight to the blind, dined with tax-collectors, and let the little children come to him.  He reached out to the marginalized, the “undesired”, the people society pretended didn’t matter.  Was Jesus wealthy and influential?  No.  Was he a great political leader that everyone rallied around?  Not really.  Jesus was simple, a poor carpenter who caught the attention of a few people in his society, but he saw that the world was broken and change needed to happen.  He believed everyone deserved love and respect, and specifically paid attention to the people in his world that needed it most.  In the end, his beliefs and his teachings about love and acceptance got him killed…but we are still talking about him to this day.  What if our society was like that?  What if we actually gave a damn about the people around us, even the ones we sometimes wish would just go away?  What if we weren’t so focused on being right all the time, or being in charge, and instead focused on the members of our society who need our help the most?  What if we didn’t think about what political parties people aligned themselves with, but instead helped those in need and accepted people’s differences simply because it is the right thing to do?  What if, just for a moment, we didn’t think about ourselves?    

One of the scribes came and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, “What commandment is the foremost of all?”  Jesus answered, “The foremost is, ‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’  The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” (NASB Mark 12: 28-31)

            Jesus holds up “love your neighbor as yourself” as one of the most important commandments, second only to the commandment that there is one God and you should love God with everything you have.  The commandment “love your neighbor as yourself” even beats out murder and honoring your father and mother!  In this passage, Jesus is relaying to his listeners that, next to God, love is the end all be all.  It’s not “love your neighbor as yourself if…” or “love your neighbor as yourself unless…”  No.  The message is “love your neighbor as yourself” no matter what.  The end.  No ifs, ands, or buts about it.  Well, in the past few years our country has been doing a shit job of this.  Even Christians, who are supposed to adhere to what Jesus has to say, have allowed themselves to be swept up in the negativity and brokenness of a two-party system that only pits people against each other.  What if we did listen to this message, though?  Or one like it?  What if we, as a people, adhered to a message of compromise, compassion, and understanding instead of the currently popular one of “us versus them”?  What if, instead of thinking of the other party as the enemy, we thought of them as a partner?  What if (and this one is really crazy so brace yourselves) we treated everyone with the respect and dignity we would want to be given in return?  Did I blow your mind with that one?  It’s okay…take a moment to collect yourself before you read on.

But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. (NASB Luke 6: 27-28)

            Why did we let it get this bad?  During the entire campaign process, I was disgusted by the low-blows and out-and-out attacks the candidates threw at each other (you should read my post about political ads to get the full extent of how awful I thought all that was).  What disturbed me more, however, was how the American people treated each other.  Neither side is guilt-free for stereotyping, name-calling, finger-pointing, or just plain ignorance when it came to the people of the opposing party.  I have no doubt that feelings were hurt, and friendships were fractured if not completely broken.  And for what?  To elect someone they don’t have a personal relationship with into a seat of power from which he most likely CAN’T fulfill everything he promised because too many factors go into the governing of this country.  

This video kind of sums up the whole campaign.

Yes, people want change and people want equality for all, which are very good things to want to work for.  This is all well and good (I’m not going to lie, I was really hoping certain people wouldn’t get into power after several very inappropriate and idiotic comments about rape), but it is not worth destroying relationships and people over!  Change can happen without being nasty about it.  Debates and campaigns can happen in a respectable manner that doesn’t attack a candidate on a personal level, merely a political one.  And they don’t even have to attack!  There is a saying, “Kill them with kindness”.  If a candidate presented themselves in a way in which they treated their opposition with respect and civility, I would be much more inclined to choose that person because they didn’t feel the need to publicly humiliate their opponent.  But that just doesn’t happen anymore.  The American people feed into the attack ads and low-blow campaigns because we respond to them.  We eat them up like they’re the truth, but they’re really more like shit-popsicles, filling at first but they leave you with a bad taste in your mouth and a nasty gut-ache later.  People are divided and just refuse to work together if they are not one the same side, and the whole nation suffers for it.                

 

            I have presented a lot of questions in this post, and not a lot of answers, but that’s because I don’t have them.  As much as I hope and pray that things will get better, I don’t know what is going to happen in the next four years.  I do know that change needs to happen, and a little love would go a long way in this country.  We have an opportunity to steer the country in a better direction, but we have to stop fighting and actually work together.  As I finish this post, I can’t help but wonder “what would Jesus do” if he was here now?  Most likely, he would curse a whole lot of fig trees and start flipping tables left and right before settling down and telling us we are all idiots who need to get over ourselves and work through our shit.  And he would be right.