Weight/Story: Rebuilding a Broken Relationship

This post is geared primarily at women, who have likely been sent similar messages about their bodies as I have. I fully acknowledge that men also have absurd body standards, but as I have no experience being a man, this post is directed at women. While writing this post I felt myself touching the edges of race and class, knowing that beauty standards differ across social groups, and so I feel that it's important to also note that my experience is that of a white, middle class woman, and many of my encounters in life are a reflection of those identities. I believe the way we've been socialized and the experiences we've had greatly impact us, and the issue below is absolutely representative of that.

There is a weight problem in this country and I'm not talking about obesity. It's everywhere I go, in every show and movie I watch. It's taunting me, talking behind my back, and toying with my emotions every chance it gets. The obsession with a single woman's body type, a certain, specific, often unattainable body type, is running rampant everywhere I look and it has got to stop.

My body and I have had a broken relationship for an entire decade. Let me be clear, I've never been very overweight. The battle has been mainly internal, but at times it has been absolutely all consuming.

Sometimes this problem manifests itself in intense loathing, other times it's a subtle choice to avoid and ignore my own body and its needs. As I have eluded to in the past, I spent a chunk of time in high school starving myself, attempting to become someone I'm not, struggling to fit myself into a tiny box that no one should ever be trapped in.

When I gave up this harmful behavior, I went to the other extreme. I stopped looking at myself in the mirror and began eating food without thought, scared I would once again fall into the trap of being consumed by the amount or kind of food I was putting into my body. I refused to listen to my body tell me it was hungry, tell me it was full, or even tell me when it enjoyed the food I was eating.

It felt like a trade off. Either I cared about my body and what I ate, became obsessed with controlling my diet and exercise, or I had to ignore my body completely. For awhile, I chose the latter, believing that avoiding part of myself would allow me to regain the things I lost during my stint with anorexia - a social life and the ability to focus on something besides food, exercise, and my weight.

Mark Parisi Cartoon

I lived that way for many years, graduating from both high school and college with this attitude. Finally, my perspective began to change right after college when I lived with three women who loved food for how it tasted, for what it did for their bodies, and for the energy it gave them. Slowly my mindset changed and I began seeing food differently. At some point in this journey, I began enjoying food again. I learned how to cook food I like to eat. I learned how to eat food that would make my body feel better. I learned that food is a tool that my body uses to help maintain an active lifestyle.

After 10 years of battling my own body, I can finally say I (mostly) like my body. I like how it looks, I like what it does for me, I like living in it. I've (again, mostly) stopped caring that my body isn't the ideal image of beauty. I've started putting health before the attempt to conform to someone else's standards.

But this isn't exactly a happy ending.

Call it a first world problem (and if you've missed out on this ironic way of talking about problems, just click on the link and get with the times!!), but I've found it oddly unsatisfying to be happy with my body. After a decade frustration, I now find myself wondering what all the fuss was about. Why in the world did I spend my entire teenage life and my early twenties consumed with this superficial quest?

knowyourmeme.com

In fact, I would absolutely call this weight obsession a first world problem. First world, as in it disproportionately impacts people who have time and energy (and often money) to put into attaining (or attempting to attain) a particular figure. People who have easy access to the media and feel pressured to look like the people they see in it. I know with absolute confidence that I'm not alone in my tendency to be consumed by body image issues. This problem has spread throughout first world countries (and beyond), sucking our time, our energy, and our happiness.

Let me be clear that I truly believe that taking care of our bodies is essential for living a good life. But where we go wrong is when we mistake slender figures as a sign of health. While being thin can absolutely be healthy for some, others must starve themselves (which is awfully unhealthy) to achieve these same standards.

We've forgotten that our bodies are all different. We've forgotten that diversity is a beautiful thing, that everyone looking the same, weighing the same, would be boring as hell.

And, as a result, we end up trying to attain this one precise figure, one that for a lot of people just isn't sustainable, life giving, or even fulfilling.

This attitude is absolutely everywhere I turn. Have you ever listened to people after they finish a big meal? What words come out of their mouths? "I shouldn't have eaten all that food." "Well, I'm going to have to go work that off." "Why did you make me eat all of that?" Or the even more unhealthy language, "I'm going to have to skip dinner for a week now."

We've been taught that our bodies don't look like they should and it leaves us feeling constantly guilty for enjoying food. Rather than focusing on how our bodies can be healthy so they work efficiently and effectively, we are overwhelmed with media images of the same thin figure over and over and over. We hear a constant chatter about weight all around us, we hear (thin) people talking about how fat they are, we see people judging others solely on the basis of their weight.

As Abercrombie showed us this month, we've been taught that to have a certain body type is to be happy, cool, to be popular, and to have it all.

But for those of us to whom a model's figure doesn't come naturally, how can we possibly have it all if we're not taking care of our bodies?

So I ask you: what is health? How do you know when you're healthy? How much effort have you put into attempting to achieve the perfect body? Do you struggle to find the balance between treating your body well and becoming consumed with food, exercise, etc.? 

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Love,

Kelsey

Iron Man 3 and How to Survive Graduate School Finals

I just finished finals, which consisted for two fifteenish page papers, two ten page papers, and two classes.  Needless to say, I have very little to offer in the intellect department this week, but I wanted to post something anyway as a kind of brain detox.  So between this and countless episodes of Boy Meets World, I am letting my brain relax a little bit and not think about the apocalyptic components of Biblical texts and about how people in Victorian America adapted the Gothic style of architecture to Protestant values so it could become a part of their domestic Christianity.  I got mini-headache just typing that sentence.  Anyway, the following post is a two-parter, and neither section has really anything to do with the other.  Why?  Because I said so, that’s why.  The first part is a short little review of Iron Man 3.  It’s short because I can’t make it long without giving away spoilers, and it’s still so new that I am less confident that everyone has seen it.  The second part of this post is a survival guide of sorts.  It’s a list of things to remember/do in order to survive graduate school finals (though most of the list could be applied to any level of finals-taking-torment).  So, let us begin.

Part One: Iron Man 3 Review

I’m not going to lie…I freaking loved this movie.  I’ve heard that it’s been getting kind of mixed reviews, but I was blown away by it.  Not only was it epic, action-packed, with a bit of romance, but it was also HILARIOUS!  There are so many zingers in this movie (that Robert Downey Jr. delivers perfectly, by the way), that I was laughing about as much as I was thinking, “Holy shit, that’s awesome!” (in regards to explosive fight scenes, high-tech badassness, and Downey Jr. getting thrown into various walls).

The movie has a different feel to it than the first two and The Avengers.  Tony Stark is dealing with a lot of deep, personal stuff throughout the whole thing, and I think he is actually in the suit less than the first two (but when he is in the suit, epicness ensues).  Not only does Tony have to deal with his own issues, but he has to balance being a superhero with his relationship with Pepper Potts, as well as track down an enemy he doesn’t even know where to begin to find.  Ben Kingsley as the villain of the movie, the Mandarin, is wonderful, and he’s a bad guy whose terror lies in what he represents…fear in something that you don’t fully understand and can’t know what to expect from.  The gadgets that Tony has in this movie are also really, really cool.  They range from an electrified garden-glove, to the seemingly boundary-less J.A.R.V.I.S. we have all come to know and love.  And of course, there is the Hall of Armor, displaying all of the previous models of the suit from the first two Iron Man movies as well as The Avengers, which is just plain nostalgic-cool. 

There is a lot of symbolism in this movie, playing into the deeper issues for the characters.  Again, I can’t really go into detail without giving away significant moments in the movie, so you’re just going to have to trust me on this one.  Overall, though, Iron Man 3 is less “look at all of the neat stuff I can do because I’m a superhero” and more “what are some of the consequences of this hero-stuff?”  Granted, I think The Avengers is still the best movie Marvel has put out so far, but really, how do you beat something that’s pretty much every Marvel movie (literally) rolled into one sweet package?  There are also a lot of references in Iron Man 3 to the events of The Avengers (some of those events being the cause of Tony’s inner turmoil), so it’s a really smooth transition between the films and continuation of the overarching storyline shared by all of these movies of a larger universe with extraordinary individuals existing within it.  In summary, go see Iron Man 3, or don’t be cool.

Part II: Erin B.’s Tips to Surviving Graduate School Finals (Or Other Levels of Finals-Taking-Torment)

1.      Plan ahead.  I know, I know, you’ve heard it before, and it’s easier said than done, but seriously…if you are staring down a week in which you have more than forty pages of paper-writing due, you need to plan that week out.  There are only so many hours in a day, and only so much time you can consecutively spend staring at a computer screen before your eyes cross or you pass out.

2.      Go where you can be productive.  If, when studying at home, you are at risk of easily giving into temptation and watching four episodes of Boy Meets World back-to-back as a “study break,” then you need to get the hell out of your house.  Personally, I found I could put up a better fight surrounded by my studious peers who could make me feel guilty enough to actually focus on my work.

3.      Caffeine, caffeine, caffeine.  This one is pretty self-explanatory.  If you try to avoid drinking caffeinated anything in your everyday life, good for you…but all bets are off during finals.

4.      Nap in public places.  If you need a nap, I suggest taking one in the library lobby or somewhere equally accessible to anybody.  Why?  Because then you won’t be tempted to keep sleeping after your 20 minutes are up.  Every time I try to take just a 30 minute nap at home, I’m lucky to be up after two hours.  Avoid naps where no one can find you.

5.      Don’t let your social life die.  This one may surprise some people, because it might make more sense if I said do let your social life die.  But no, your social life doesn’t have to die, it just has to get mono and not make out or swap water bottles with anyone for a little while.  Interacting with people is fine, healthy even, so that you don’t become a zombie-shut-in who forgets how to actually talk out-loud.

6.      Watch what you eat.  Try to consume a least one thing during the day that isn’t going to leave you hyped-up on sugar and caffeine.  Remember, your body still has to be able to function once the week is over.

7.      Don’t listen to the Les Miserables soundtrack while trying to write a paper.  Just don’t.

8.      Protect your space.  If there are undergrads filling up the space in your library, don’t feed them or they’ll come back.

9.      Take dance party study breaks.  Just do.

10.  All’s fair in love and war…and finals week.  Finals weeks are not like any other time of the year, so don’t think that you will be able to function like they are.  Writing quality can plummet, friends can turn into enemies, and harmless undergrads can seem like the most annoying things in the world.  But no worries…it will all balance back out once that final exam or paper is done.